To be honest, I have almost lost all motivation to continue on with this movie. Too many things are discouraging me from continuing on, the most pressing of which comes from my peers. My peers!
Whenever I mention to someone that I am either
1) making a film
2) shooting for a film
or
3) editing a film
they give me such robotic reactions, almost patronizing me. Like “oh how cute, you’re making a movie…what a creative little boy you must be…” I don’t like that kind of shit. When I tell you I’m making a movie, I’m fucking serious. I’m making a fucking goddam movie, and it’s going to be fucking good and you will be entertained, so long as you get the shit out of my way and let me do my thing.
Look, I’m not some big-time hollywood director. Then again I’m not some 4 year old throwing crayons at the wall and calling it Renaissance art. All I am is a person trying to make movies, for art and for entertainment. I really love doing it, I’m really passionate about doing it, and it really, really, really discourages me when people treat me like they treat someone else’s child when they draw pictures of you. I feel betrayed by the very audience I am trying to entertain.
Grievance #2
On several occasions this trip, I have stopped and filmed some things I thought would make for an interesting movie.
1) the snow in Seoul
2) hanami at Yoyogi
3) most recently, Big Fog Mountain (the stuff I’ve been teasing lately)
and there have been many other instances, but these are the three big ones. On each occasion, I have been forced to stop filming. Rather than drag this on too long, I’ll just address #3.
At Big Fog Mountain, I found some REALLY REALLY cool stuff to film (as you have seen by the pics). There was one thing in particular I wanted to gather a ton of footage for, but I kept getting rushed by my friend Tim to join the group. I told him that I would just catch up later, but he kept insisting that I hurry up. We went back and forth like this for a while until all my footage was ruined and I just gave up.
On the way back down the mountain I ran ahead a good deal, so I could film a few minutes of footage back at the spot. Before I knew it, Tim and the group had already caught up with me, and were yelling at me to join them. WHAT THE HELL I’m trying to make a damn movie I’ll catch up with you all later!! GAH! They yelled at me again to join them, not understanding WHAT I”M TRYING TO DO.
So I eventually gave up, and joined the group. They all asked what I was doing in there and when I told them I was gathering footage for a film, they all were like “aw how cute” and crap like that. I hate that reaction!! Not “aw how cute” you should say “oh cool Eddie! Nice! I hope it turns out well!” THATS WHAT I WANT. Help me out here! Do you know how hard it is to making a fucking movie?? The next movie you watch, pay some fucking attention to it. Every scene you see, every new camera angle, has been seen by the editor at least HUNDREDS of times. Yes, HUNDREDS, if not THOUSANDS. Can you imagine the kind of insanity that induces? Can you watch your favorite movie hundreds of times in a row? IM SERIOUS!!! I’ve spent at least 20 hours these past few days editing barely 3 minutes of video. That’s (20 x 60) / 3 = 400 TIMES I have seen my movie already. FOUR HUNDRED TIMES. And I’m still not done!
I’m making this because I want to entertain. I want you to have a fun time watching it! Please, encourage me a little. Don’t passively insult me when I mention to you my hobby, my passion. I’m not looking to get famous off this, nor rich. I just want to entertain you!
Where I am now
I’m nearing the end of my film. Just trying to piece together whatever footage I can salvage. Because the group rushed me, I’m not sure I have enough footage to finish. I had an idea I wanted to explore. And now, because of my peer’s lack of understanding, I may not be able to pull this one off.
I think its my fault, really. I set my expectations too high. I probably set yours too high as well, releasing teaser images and hyping it up. I’m just sick of it now. Too much time spent editing, too little footage gathered. Editing, editing, and re-editing a scary movie just makes you feel ill. At least the movie I made of my parents made me feel happy, despite seeing the same footage over and over.
I don’t want to blame other people if my film sucks. But I really do feel its their fault for not being more understanding and letting me capture what I wanted to film. The movie I made about snowfall in S. Korea fell to pieces cause I was rushed by my friends when I was filming. Couldn’t get enough footage. Never released it. My movie of hanami in Yoyogi was fucked cause I couldn’t gather enough footage because a bird shat on me.
It’s just not working out for me….at all… I’ve spent so much time trying to get this one climax scene done just right, but its not happening.. today I’ll move on to the end, see what I can salvage from the ruins of my camera.
In the recent words of David, “OWW!! OWWW!! ….don’t ever elbow your doorjam.”
Thanks for listening. I’ll try to finish… somehow… :/
Tonight we’re going out to dinner with our really cool neighbor and her friend. Editing this movie day in and day out has turned me into a zombie. Gotta get it together, kid. Gotta try to have fun tonight…
